


A Grave Threatening

by covetsubjugation



Series: The Infamous Story of 'The Squad' [10]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Gen, M/M, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-06
Updated: 2016-07-06
Packaged: 2018-07-21 22:51:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7408390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/covetsubjugation/pseuds/covetsubjugation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"<b>fight me</b><br/>to the best of my knowledge you don’t follow me on twitter burr<br/>are you stalking me</p><p><b>aaron burr</b><br/>I claim diplomatic immunity</p><p><b>fight me</b><br/>you’re still not a politician burr<br/>sorry burr</p><p><b>aaron burr</b><br/>You say my name a lot<br/>Do you like saying my name, Alex</p><p><b>fight me</b><br/>I"</p><p>*<br/>Alexander and Aaron are attempting to give relationship advice, it doesn't work out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Grave Threatening

**Author's Note:**

> I think I'm fucking funny because the title is a pun.
> 
>  
> 
> **ALSO: BOLDED FOR EXTRA EMPHASIS**  
>  **In this chapter, John is being asked out by a woman, who can't quite take a hint. Her actions are a little creepy so this is a content warning for stalkerish behaviour. If you are uncomfortable reading that, there is a chapter summary in the end notes so you will not be confused when the next update comes around.**

**the angelica squad**  
_aaron burr, angel, baguette fucker, disney god, eliza, fight me, get ur own dicc, peggy_

 **baguette fucker  
** guys i think i want to open my own fashion shop/thing

 **fight me  
** wow “own fashion shop/thing” such English

 **baguette fucker**  
language is ever evolving  
also fuck the shut up

 **disney god**  
why is it you who opens the fashion thing      
and not the resident tailor

 **get ur own dicc  
** you haven’t tailored anything in months

 **disney god  
** tru but still

 **baguette fucker  
** this can be a partnership if you like

 **peggy**  
excuse me why is this the first time i have heard of herc being a tailor  
and why has it not resulted in an automatic increase in outfits for me

 **disney god  
** i like the partnership idea  
@ **peggy** commission me

 **peggy  
** but we’re friends

 **fight me**  
yeah that doesn’t work i tried  
my money is in his hands

 **get ur own dicc**  
ooh same  
what are you getting 

 **fight me**  
i got a coat  
mostly because herc insists my current one is ugly

 **disney god  
** IT IS

 **fight me**  
we shall agree to disagree  
(it isn’t though)

 **angel  
** what are your commission rates though @ **disney god**

 **disney god  
** @ **angel** dm me

 **baguette fucker**  
aNYWAY  
partnership it is

 **eliza  
** but what are you contributing

 **baguette fucker**  
my presence  
and my incredible fashion taste

 **aaron burr  
** Technically, Hercules can do that on his own

 **disney god**  
is that  
is that a compliment

 **fight me  
** holy shit

 **baguette fucker**  
two heads are better than one  
and i can also be the super gay and fabulous stylist who insults everyone

 **angel  
** miranda priestly

 **baguette fucker  
** exactly

 **aaron burr  
** I like her

 **fight me**  
holy shit an opinion  
careful now or we’ll scare it

 **aaron burr  
** Why are you like this, Alexander?

*

 **angel**  
HOLY SHIT  
I’M DYING

 **eliza  
** are we talking figuratively or literally

 **angel**  
figuratively  
i was coming back from class and happened to chance across john and alex  
and they were chilling outside this class  
and tHIS RANDOM GIRL COMES UP  
AND ASKS JOHN OUT ON A DATE

 **eliza  
** WHAT

 **peggy  
** WHAT

 **disney god**  
ok  
oh free dinner

 **get ur own dicc**  
HERCULES I DO NOT LIKE GIRLS  
LOOK AT MY USER  
DOES THAT SEEM VERY HETERO TO YOU

 **disney god  
** but you like dinner

 **baguette fucker  
** @ **angel** did alex do anything

 **angel**  
at first he just seemed very confused  
except now he’s just sulking

 **baguette fucker  
** @ **fight me** go on fight her  
or just kiss john or some shit

 **fight me**  
the poly squad was a tentative thing  
also the girl is gone john was like “er er” and grabbed me and ran

 **aaron burr  
** Wait what was her name

 **fight me**  
oh it was martha manning  
nice girl

 **get ur own dicc**  
still not a thing  
!!!  
rt  
rt  
rt

 **eliza  
** you can’t rt yourself

 **peggy  
** actually twitter updated so you can

 **eliza**  
oh  
why didn’t i know that  
i’m on twitter everyday

 **fight me  
** i knew that

 **aaron burr  
** Of course you knew that, Alex, you retweet yourself everyday

 **fight me**  
to the best of my knowledge you don’t follow me on twitter burr  
are you stalking me

 **aaron burr  
** I claim diplomatic immunity

 **fight me**  
you’re still not a politician burr  
sorry burr

 **aaron burr**  
You say my name a lot  
Do you like saying my name, Alex

 **fight me  
** I

 **angel**  
please don’t flirt in front of me  
get a room

 **fight me  
** technically this is a “chat room”

 **angel  
** no

 **get ur own dicc**  
i feel uncomfortable when we’re not talking about me???  
also do we have a class list of numbers or something

 **eliza**  
not to the best of my knowledge  
why

 **get ur own dicc  
** SO HOW DID MARTHA GET MY NUMBER

 **disney god  
** oh i er

 **get ur own dicc**  
HERCULES MULLIGAN  
DID YOU GIVE MARTHA MY NUMBER

 **disney god**  
I DIDN’T KNOW SHE LIKED YOU  
I THOUGHT IT WAS A PROJECT OR SOMETHING

 **get ur own dicc  
** WHAT DO I DO NOW

 **fight me  
** just tell her you’re gay

 **get ur own dicc  
** yeah no  
@ **aaron burr** what would you do in this situation

 **aaron burr**  
Just let her down gently  
Tell her you have a partner to soften the blow

 **get ur own dicc**  
got it  
HOW  
HOW DID SHE BECOME MORE PERSISTENT

 **angel**  
what did she say  
what did you say

 **get ur own dicc**  
i was like  
hey i’m really flattered but i have a partner  
and she said  
really? cause everyone said you're single  
anD SHE WON'T STOP TALKING  
HERCULES MULLIGAN IF I DIE THIS IS YOUR FAULT  
I WILL WRITE THAT ON MY FUCKING GRAVE MARK MY WORDS

 **aaron burr  
** @ **get ur own dicc** Say that they don’t go to our school  
That they’re from Carolina

 **fight me**  
i still think you should just say you’re gay  
it’s straightforward

 **eliza  
** @ **fight me** john just said he is attached and she is still continuing on  
@ **get ur own dicc** go with aaron’s advice

 **get ur own dicc  
** wish me luck

*

 **peggy  
** have you ever read something so explicit that you feel the need to go to church and stay there for a year

 **baguette fucker  
** send it to me

 **peggy  
** oops wrong chat

 **baguette fucker  
** send it to me anyway

 **peggy  
** what are you going to do with it

 **fight me  
** NO

 **disney god  
** NO

 **baguette fucker  
** i’m just going to read it

 **disney god**  
NO YOU’RE NOT  
YOU’RE GOING TO READ IT  
AND THEN GET IDEAS

 **fight me**  
AND THEN YOU’RE GOING TO POLLUTE EVERYONE  
ESPECIALLY

 **aaron burr  
** I think I see where this is going

 **fight me**  
GEORGE WASHINGTON  
YOU ARE NOT TO POLLUTE MY BOSS

 **baguette fucker**  
okay first of all  
i’m pretty sure i can’t pollute george anymore  
you can’t teach someone something they already know

 **eliza**  
dear lord in heaven  
forgive me for my sins  
because this mental images make me want to die  
among other things

 **baguette fucker**  
second of all  
george washington is pretty kinky

 **fight me**  
I WILL NEED YOU TO STOP RIGHT THERE  
I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW  
I DON’T WANT TO KNOW HOW YOU KNOW THESE THINGS

 **eliza  
** i think god has abandoned us

*

 **baguette fucker**  
DO YOU SEE THIS  
I START A FASHION BLOG FOR ALL THE UNFORTUNATE MASSES OUT THERE  
HOPING TO IMPROVE THEIR LIVES  
AND WHAT DO I GET  
THIS FUCKING ASK  
“HOW DO I PUT ON SHOES”  
FUCK EVERYONE HONESTLY

*

 **get ur own dicc**  
i give up  
i can’t  
tell alexander, lafayette and hercules i love them

 **aaron burr  
** What happened?

 **get ur own dicc**  
she’s here  
she’s at the door  
help me  
this is like the purge

 **fight me**  
omw  
this is how you fix a problem burr

 **aaron burr**  
No, I don’t believe it  
John must be doing something wrong  
I’m coming over as well

 **angel  
** how did she even find out where you stay  
@ **disney god** did you say something you shouldn’t have

 **disney god**  
NO  
I DIDN’T I SWEAR

 **fight me**  
shit i think it's me  
she was my project partner before  
and i brought her home to study

 **get ur own dicc**  
it's definitely you  
fix this

 **eliza**  
do we need more enforcements  
i kinda know martha i can come over  
ange can come and scare her away

 **get ur own dicc**  
pls  
help

 **fight me  
** i’m like a block away

 **aaron burr  
** So am I

 **eliza  
** ange and i are on our way

 **peggy  
** sorry i can’t help

 **get ur own dicc**  
it’s okay  
i need you to be around to keep track of my last words

 **peggy  
** that took a very sudden turn

 **fight me  
** @ **disney god** @ **baguette fucker** aren’t you both at home

 **baguette fucker**  
oh we are  
but she has been outside the door for a while  
she's clearly not leaving  
usually if someone doesn't answer the door for over 5 minutes you would leave  
but she isn't  
i think  
help

 **disney god  
** what they mean to say is that we are both wimps and are currently huddling with john on a pile on our sofa

 **fight me  
** oh my god

 **aaron burr**  
We are downstairs  
Alexander, please stop glaring at me

 **fight me  
** i’m going to save the day watch me

 **aaron burr**  
How on earth did you write that without making a mistake  
You didn’t look at your keyboard once

 **fight me  
** I am very good at this

 **aaron burr  
** Should I be concerned as to how you knew what I typed without looking at your phone

 **fight me  
** i’m guessing

 **angel  
** WE ARE RIGHT BEHIND YOU HOLD THE ELEVATOR

 **eliza  
** alex just zipped out the minute the doors opened

 **aaron burr  
** The reason the banging just got louder is because Alex is also now banging on it

 **get ur own dicc**  
Oh God  
coming

 **peggy  
** KEEP ME UPDATED

 **angel**  
the door is opening  
john is cowering behind it  
martha and alex are basically fighting for dominance over who gets to enter first

 **eliza**  
alex won  
and he is  
oh

 **angel  
** oh

 **aaron burr  
** Oh

 **disney god  
** OH

 **baguette fucker  
** OH

 **peggy  
** OH WHAT TELL ME

 **angel**  
well um  
martha got the hint

 **aaron burr**  
Alexander just kissed John  
I think your poly squad may be a thing now

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> Un, a summary of this chapter for those who did not read it due to the trigger warning at the beginning:  
> Lafayette and Hercules plan on opening a fashion shop/thing but Lafayette gets pissed off because someone asks them how to put on shoes. John is asked out on a date by a girl and being Very Gay, attempts to turn her down with help from Aaron. However, this backfires as the girl is very persistent, and keeps trying anyway. Alex turns up to save the day and lets the girl know where she stands by kissing John. The Poly Squad may now be a thing. Peggy accidentally reveals she reads smut, Lafayette attempts to get a hold of it but is shot down by everyone because he will pollute Washington.
> 
> Deux, credits!  
> The ideas for the jokes in this chapter come from [here](http://thomassanders.com/post/146930213898/horrible-punny-skeletons-savage), [here](http://novaks.co.vu/post/146932082606/surprisebitch-simplyslc-true-friendship) and [here](http://danisawildfire.tumblr.com/post/146930645586) in the order they appear. I am not an original person.
> 
> Trois, chapter notes  
> In this chapter, Martha Manning is the name of John Laurens' actual wife. She was decidedly not as creepy irl as she is in this fic. I am not trying to criticise the real-life her.
> 
> I'm also trying a new style of writing in a sense? This is kinda meant to follow a Friends episode format where everyone has a problem and it's resolved by the end. Did it work idk you tell me.
> 
> The Poly Squad thing was a last minute addition, it should be here to stay but again idk, thIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON'T PLAN SHIT.
> 
> My tumblr is [here](http://www.bisexualexhamilton.tumblr.com) and I'll see you next time!


End file.
